This is a farewell post. It gets pretty tl;dr and contains my thoughts on yaoi book blogging as a subculture so continue at your own risk!

Friends, I have been considering this website and this blog since the summer when an author got butthurt at me, and lo, I have discovered something! Something that has made me feel deliriously happy! Something that revealed to me a truth I had forgotten!

When I started book blogging on Livejournal, I did so because of my love of books.

I love books. All books; even books I dislike.

I then forgot that love in a desire to be read and consumed as a lover of books, as a reviewer, as an Authority. I was marketing myself because everyone else was marketing themselves, which is a lousy reason to do things. I really, really shouldn’t have, because that’s not why I started blogging about books.

I moved away from Livejournal because I couldn’t get any traction with book bloggers; they didn’t take Livejournal seriously or it was too hard or something. The UI is not very intuitive, but that codebase is not hard by any stretch of imagination and it has been around just as long as blogspot—it’s a difference of what people got comfy with first. Like, people wouldn’t link my reviews because it was on the same journal as my writing and my writing was rated R. Seriously, that happened. I was pissed. Can you tell I’m still not over my bitterness about that. >>

But, really, time for me to fess up: I blog mostly on Dreamwidth and before, Livejournal, because I like the codebase. Blogger as a blogging platform can kiss my ass and Wordpress is okay on the hosted service but it’s too limited, and I don’t have time for the maintenance self-hosting requires. Even knowing my experiences on Blogger in 1999 – 2001, I gave it another shot, then a hosted wordpress site, then this site. I put on some sheep clothing and wandered into the flock. I kept failing, over and over and over, because I kept trying to fit into a larger book culture by stripping away the rest of my (questionable?) hobbies and being All Books All The Time on codebases I didn’t like.

What’s even less awesome is me with two journals. I simply don’t have the resources, the time, and truly, the inclination. I want to do other things, too, and talk about them. This culture of splitting interests across blogs just to retain readers that might find one or two of them offensive or objectionable or oh NO, boring boggles me. I have tried! I am honestly, never, ever going to manage it. Splitting book stuff apart just to cater to some set of folks who don’t like the service I use to journal or that I write about gay people is silly. Just because I write fanfic where dudes make out and that appears on my feed right before my Books I Want to Read Part XXXIV doesn’t mean I am not a book blogger. It doesn’t mean I should have to split my blog apart in order to post those reviews so Dinosaur Internet User #7525 doesn’t have to be exposed to The Gay. Seriously, just walk away, Dinosaur Internet User #7525, and spend your time elsewhere. It’s limited enough as it is.

A blog doesn’t have to be all books, all the time for the author to be considered a book blogger, and I am starting to resent that and it is definitely a vibe I get from various corners. Not all, and not a majority and not the circle I have inserted myself into, but when I run into it, it is pretty awful! I am also sick of the self-loathing and the guilt I see when reading bloggers I like post about something other than books, like every subscriber they have is going to drop them for daring to talk about how they spent their Saturday. Damn! It’s their blog—why are they apologizing for posting about their personal life? Where is that feeling coming from, that makes them suffer for daring to speak about themselves or their blog? It’s frustrating and aggravating that sawing our personalities in bits and pieces is encouraged, and since I’ve done it here, I’m going to stop.

I think book bloggers put a lot of pressure on themselves, and each other, even if they don’t mean to. Many have chosen to market themselves to publishers and people looking for book information using blogs that are just about books and authors and reviews and nothing else, because personal material isn’t what readers/publishers want. If it works for them, awesome. I admire those people, largely women. Let’s not leave that out: I know that not many book bloggers are into feminism, but that’s why I stuck here so long. It has become a female driven culture. It’s women who are doing this and running households with partners and kids and bills. They’re rockstars and could change a diaper, pay the electric bill, make a pie and kick your ass at the same time. Never doubt it. But it’s not what I want although I think it’s fan-fucking-tastic, and I’m going to stop pretending it is. I just want to be a fan of books on the internet and debate and chat about them with my friends and subscribers. I don’t care if publishers know my name, or if my review gets quoted on a paperback release, or if I never get to take part in Mailbox Monday, or if the various YA BNFs like me, or I get to go to a convention, or if I read the most books, or if I have the most popular reading challenge, or if I never touch another ARC in my life, or if I get five hits or 5,000. Those are all fine goals, but they’re not for me anymore.

As I said in a recent post I made elsewhere: Journal where you want, fan where you want, and do it for yourself first and foremost and people will come to you! Follow the leader is only exciting at, like, four years old, or if it honestly excites you to go on adventures.

I don’t want to grow to resent book blogging, nor the community, because although I’ve been quiet I do still follow at least 300 blogs, and in my stress about where I should blog (and if I stopped was I even a book blogger anymore?) I’ve been failing to interact and communicate with a lot of people. Therefore, I am going back to journaling where I want and doing it a way that makes me happy—and hopefully reconnecting with a lot of folks. Follow me if you want, that’s great, I will look forward to seeing you there. If OpenID is not intuitive or the different platform to read/comment on is too hard to learn, don’t. Pretty simple, and I’m not going to be offended one way or another. The whole idea of “I’ll read you if you’ll read me” is a little weird, too. I’ll read you when I find you interesting and comment in the same way, and invite everyone else to treat me as such. Less stress and expectations from everyone. :)

I am, and will continue to blog about everything that catches my fancy, including books, fanfiction, university, cats, and life at http://renay.dreamwidth.org (my RSS feed is here).

Comments are closed on this entry, but you can feel free to drop me a line at ya.fabulous@gmail.com—and don’t be fooled! Just because this blog is closing doesn’t mean I won’t be being fabulous, YA included, over at my other journal. ;)

It’s been a slice! *salutes*

I have been MIA and there are cobwebs everywhere and does anyone even still read this place? I’ll admit, I haven’t been updating here because, well! Guys, I am super busy and also lazy! I KNOW, YOU ARE ALL SHOCKED. I’m glad I arranged the fainting couches nicely before I hit post!

Here’s the scoop: I joined The Organization of Transformative Works and became a wrangler for An Archive of Our Own and lost my fall and winter to an amazing project built by fans and for fans. I am gaining resume skills and also having a blast, and it worked out—$dayjob in retail during the holidays doesn’t give me much brain for reading. Seriously, I read 48 books this year.

I’ll just let that sink in.

This month, the AO3 became host to Yuletide, the rare-fandom fanfiction exchange. The latest Yuletide reveal has taken place and now there are tons of stories to read!

You are wondering, “Renay, why do I care? Really, I do not read fanfiction.” To you, I say, you care because some of these fandoms are book fandoms! And the fic is good! It’s more story about awesome books! I call this a win. Fannish love for everyone, even people who don’t read fanfic. ;) Here are some samples!

Fanfiction for works I have not read:

• The Demon’s Lexicon – Brennan
• Fables – Willingham
• Fingersmith – Waters
• Never Let Me Go – Ishiguro
• Nation – Pratchett
• Liar – Larbalestier
• Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell – Claire
• Her Fearful Symmetry – Niffenegger
• The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay – Chabon
• Anne of Green Gables – Montgomery
• The Barimaeus trilogy – Stroud

Fanfiction for works I have read:

• Neverwhere – Gaiman
• Larklight trilogy – Reeve
• The Hunger Games trilogy – Collins
• Howl series – Jones
• His Dark Materials – Pullman
• Hero – Moore
• Graceling – Cashore
• The Graveyard Book – Gaiman
• American Gods – Gaiman
• Babysitters Club – Martin
• The Book Thief – Zusak

I’ll just leave this here in hopes someone will be tempted by it and I will suck yet another book blogger into the dark, twisty paths of fannish life. Meanwhile, I’ll be over at my main journal most of the time. I think it’s highly likely that until I start reading again this blog is going to become the intersection of my bookish and fanfiction life which means I will just be commenting on things other people are posting.

Or in other words I will be boring. :D

I should probably count the fanfic I’ve been reading since tons of it often turns into me reading 50,000 word fics in one long stretch when I should be sleeping, but! BUT. I don’t really review fic, I squee over it so that’s right out AND ALSO most of it is Real Person Fiction with Adam Lambert and Sparkles (like this) and you know, I have a reputation to—oh wait nevermind, no I don’t I am totally a pariah! HELL YEAH ADAM/KRIS FOREVER. \o/

Meanwhile, I am not sure what’s wrong with me besides being fluctuating interests, various Life!Fail as well as attempts to go back to school and finish out my degree which is like trying to make a snowman in Miami during July (ADMISSIONS: FEEL FREE TO GET A GENITAL RASH AND BE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR DAYS). I imagine that I am filled with weird desires to read what everyone else is reading so I can talk about it with them, but if I am not interested, well! What am I supposed to do? I’ve acquired a bunch of books that are boring me! HILARIOUSLY TRUE STORY.

Also, Nerds Heart YA is an issue. Because I am going back to school this is going to be nigh impossible for me to host. I am very sad about this, but I thought I would put out feelers to see if anyone else would be interested in getting it together. It’s really not that much work—figuring out the books was the hardest part, matching books and readers so people get to read new books the second hardest, and making sure everyone read and posted on time the third. Last round we only had one issue, and it was disappointing but I expected at least one default, but it can be avoided with some EPIC WHIP CRACKING, I am sure. I am willing to walk people through things and be available via e-mail because by then I will have e-mail on my phone! And, you know, I don’t think that you have to be widely read to host this, because it is about finding new books and reading them. Because fuck guys, I am not widely read in YA. I just pretend to be, and also use big words.

So there’s that. Interested parties can e-mail me at ya.fabulous@gmail.com and if there’s more than one I am totally playing matchmaker. If there are zero, uh, well, Nerds Heart YA will be on hiatus until 2012 and we can host it amid shock and horror that I actually acquired a real degree. >.>

POSITIONS FILLED and the world rejoiced, etc, etc.

Er, but it kind of hasn’t worked out that way. I haven’t touched a book, but instead have been combing delicious for fanfic I’ve been meaning to read. Here is what I’ve read so far:

• A Precise and Accurate History of Monday, Eleven Years Later. Seriously, I ship Aziraphale/Crowley so hard. (Good Omens)
• The Dionaea House (original fiction, or maybe like House of Leaves fanfic?)
• Switch, which is basically epic Kirk/McCoy that I’m not even sure I like yet, but it’s hard to find good Kirk/McCoy fic, anyway so I’ll take what I can get? Seriously, this is like two fantasy novels tied together, it’s so long. (Star Trek XI)
• Transfigurations! I totally love this story, I read it a long time ago and re-read it today, and love Draco. (Harry Potter)
• Written in the Stars I’m not sure how I feel about this one (which generally sums up all my feelings about fic that takes the totally ill-advised epilogue to Deathly Hallows and runs with it), but well! I kind of can’t resist father-bonding, fff. I have daddy issues. (Harry Potter)

Well. At least it’s only five in the afternoon, right? XD I could grab a book later…maybe.

Today we are taking a trip down the lane of my life I was trying to separate from this site because the last thing I wanted was someone who thinks I am an okay if sometimes sarcastic douchebag book critic to stumble across erotic fanfiction that I have written (oftentimes badly) and block me on Twitter, or strike me from their hearts, or perhaps judge me based on my creative writing and allow it to discredit my critiques (this is, of course, in order of importance). I have arrived at this point because I had a dinner, in public, with Debi and her family in August, where we discussed how Chris read my porn and it was great!

I ALMOST DIED ON THE SPOT, GUYS. I am not kidding. I was as red as the shirt I was wearing because what, I thought I had successfully hidden my fanfic!, if by hidden we mean “just don’t talk about it!” I cackled to myself all the way home when her husband hit me up before we left and said, “hey, we want those links!” (Okay, it also endeared him to my heart forever!)

I was like, guys, what is this, a stickup? GIVE ME ALL YOUR EMBARRASSMENT RIGHT NOW? Okay, here, take it! *dies one thousand horrified deaths from acute embarrassment*

That’s right! I write fanfiction. I am airing all my secrets (but really not since this was a pretty open secret)! I will no longer dance around the topic! I will come out and say it: I write fanfiction and sometimes dudes have sex. Right up top, so you will know if you want to continue reading this entry.

Here are some resources:

• Fanlore’s fanfiction entry
• Wikipedia’s fanfiction entry

I am a member of The Organization of Transformative Works. I have been a member of fan culture a long time. I moderate a newsletter and co-moderate a gift exchange. One time I wrote makeout fic between a boy and a cactus-like creature; there is follow up fanart (also in color!).

I write stories about other people’s characters for fun (not profit). In fact, when I imagine trying to profit from fanfiction I die of laughter at the thought. If Debi didn’t read this journal, this would be the point at which I would claim to be a talentless hack and take myself down a peg, but since she does and might see this post, I can’t because I fear her wrath, but just realize the chance is there. We’re all readers here; we have imaginations. I don’t think what I’m doing is much different than what book bloggers do, in a way—I am interacting with the text, with bonus makeouts. This post does a great job of summing up all the points I would like to share, but this:

Fanfic is a dialogue going on within a community, and people read each story in the context of other stories.

That’s very true. WOULD YOU LIKE A RECENT EXAMPLE? I am going to guess yes! Ira wrote a 38,000 word monster (which I love), These Unending Alchemies of Honour (FFXII, Gabranth/Vaan, PG-13), and then I wrote this and Sev wrote this and then I possibly caved to pressure and wrote some gratuitous sexy times which I refuse to link, because I’m serious, it was gratuitous.

I’m not saying it’s wonderful, “I should be a published author!” writing (in fact, most all of my fic definitely ISN’T, hahaha what a joke), but it’s fun and I love doing it for a lot of reasons. I feel strange talking about fandom here, because I don’t cross the streams very often this direction. I am pretty open about the book community over there, but not open about my hobbies over here. Possibly it is the amount of dudes making out and how I perceive the heterosexism over here. WHO KNOWS.

I mean, it’s not always the classiest place to hang out¹, especially if you’re not a fan of sexy times. It’s getting harder and harder for me to act like I’m not a fanfic writer over here, especially because of all the YA books I’m reading (and pining for fanfiction for, Graceling, The Knife of Never Letting Go, I’m looking at you!). I probably wouldn’t be book blogging without fandom, because reading Harry/Draco fanfic back in 2001 made me read the Harry Potter series which got me back into reading after I had fallen away.

Anyway, so in case in the future I meet people (Chris! Nymeth! Debi Round Two! Everyone Else When I Make It To BEA One Day!) I thought: I will just be upfront so these people know this about me and they can judge me and avoid me if they see the porn girl coming toward them on the convention floor. No awkward conversations necessary! No, really. I swear. I will not go cry in the bathroom after you’ve turned away from me and thankfully I will not know when you unsubscribe to my feed so I definitely won’t cry over that.

Definitely no crying here. >.>

To end this, I will share some things that other people wrote. Some are readable without the original source material, while some aren’t. I am probably revealing more in my recommendations that I have anywhere else. But…I am okay with that. I stuck to gen fic, because well…because. I have already put my kinks on display once in a previous paragraph. I believe I will skip it here.

• American Idol RPF – Fortunate Son (David Cook, David Archuleta)
• Star Trek XI – the fistbump is non-optional (even though I know how it ends, I CACKLE EVERY TIME)
• Larklight – The Alchemists Revenge (Larklight and Starcross are required reading for this, I believe!)
• Final Fantasy VII – A Study in BS (er…violence?)

And so ends the opening of Personal Anecdote Theater, starring me! Other than fandom, I am pretty boring, so there probably won’t be a second act! However, this was possibly epic enough for the next five forevers. Awesome \o/