This is a farewell post. It gets pretty tl;dr and contains my thoughts on yaoi book blogging as a subculture so continue at your own risk!

Friends, I have been considering this website and this blog since the summer when an author got butthurt at me, and lo, I have discovered something! Something that has made me feel deliriously happy! Something that revealed to me a truth I had forgotten!

When I started book blogging on Livejournal, I did so because of my love of books.

I love books. All books; even books I dislike.

I then forgot that love in a desire to be read and consumed as a lover of books, as a reviewer, as an Authority. I was marketing myself because everyone else was marketing themselves, which is a lousy reason to do things. I really, really shouldn’t have, because that’s not why I started blogging about books.

I moved away from Livejournal because I couldn’t get any traction with book bloggers; they didn’t take Livejournal seriously or it was too hard or something. The UI is not very intuitive, but that codebase is not hard by any stretch of imagination and it has been around just as long as blogspot—it’s a difference of what people got comfy with first. Like, people wouldn’t link my reviews because it was on the same journal as my writing and my writing was rated R. Seriously, that happened. I was pissed. Can you tell I’m still not over my bitterness about that. >>

But, really, time for me to fess up: I blog mostly on Dreamwidth and before, Livejournal, because I like the codebase. Blogger as a blogging platform can kiss my ass and Wordpress is okay on the hosted service but it’s too limited, and I don’t have time for the maintenance self-hosting requires. Even knowing my experiences on Blogger in 1999 – 2001, I gave it another shot, then a hosted wordpress site, then this site. I put on some sheep clothing and wandered into the flock. I kept failing, over and over and over, because I kept trying to fit into a larger book culture by stripping away the rest of my (questionable?) hobbies and being All Books All The Time on codebases I didn’t like.

What’s even less awesome is me with two journals. I simply don’t have the resources, the time, and truly, the inclination. I want to do other things, too, and talk about them. This culture of splitting interests across blogs just to retain readers that might find one or two of them offensive or objectionable or oh NO, boring boggles me. I have tried! I am honestly, never, ever going to manage it. Splitting book stuff apart just to cater to some set of folks who don’t like the service I use to journal or that I write about gay people is silly. Just because I write fanfic where dudes make out and that appears on my feed right before my Books I Want to Read Part XXXIV doesn’t mean I am not a book blogger. It doesn’t mean I should have to split my blog apart in order to post those reviews so Dinosaur Internet User #7525 doesn’t have to be exposed to The Gay. Seriously, just walk away, Dinosaur Internet User #7525, and spend your time elsewhere. It’s limited enough as it is.

A blog doesn’t have to be all books, all the time for the author to be considered a book blogger, and I am starting to resent that and it is definitely a vibe I get from various corners. Not all, and not a majority and not the circle I have inserted myself into, but when I run into it, it is pretty awful! I am also sick of the self-loathing and the guilt I see when reading bloggers I like post about something other than books, like every subscriber they have is going to drop them for daring to talk about how they spent their Saturday. Damn! It’s their blog—why are they apologizing for posting about their personal life? Where is that feeling coming from, that makes them suffer for daring to speak about themselves or their blog? It’s frustrating and aggravating that sawing our personalities in bits and pieces is encouraged, and since I’ve done it here, I’m going to stop.

I think book bloggers put a lot of pressure on themselves, and each other, even if they don’t mean to. Many have chosen to market themselves to publishers and people looking for book information using blogs that are just about books and authors and reviews and nothing else, because personal material isn’t what readers/publishers want. If it works for them, awesome. I admire those people, largely women. Let’s not leave that out: I know that not many book bloggers are into feminism, but that’s why I stuck here so long. It has become a female driven culture. It’s women who are doing this and running households with partners and kids and bills. They’re rockstars and could change a diaper, pay the electric bill, make a pie and kick your ass at the same time. Never doubt it. But it’s not what I want although I think it’s fan-fucking-tastic, and I’m going to stop pretending it is. I just want to be a fan of books on the internet and debate and chat about them with my friends and subscribers. I don’t care if publishers know my name, or if my review gets quoted on a paperback release, or if I never get to take part in Mailbox Monday, or if the various YA BNFs like me, or I get to go to a convention, or if I read the most books, or if I have the most popular reading challenge, or if I never touch another ARC in my life, or if I get five hits or 5,000. Those are all fine goals, but they’re not for me anymore.

As I said in a recent post I made elsewhere: Journal where you want, fan where you want, and do it for yourself first and foremost and people will come to you! Follow the leader is only exciting at, like, four years old, or if it honestly excites you to go on adventures.

I don’t want to grow to resent book blogging, nor the community, because although I’ve been quiet I do still follow at least 300 blogs, and in my stress about where I should blog (and if I stopped was I even a book blogger anymore?) I’ve been failing to interact and communicate with a lot of people. Therefore, I am going back to journaling where I want and doing it a way that makes me happy—and hopefully reconnecting with a lot of folks. Follow me if you want, that’s great, I will look forward to seeing you there. If OpenID is not intuitive or the different platform to read/comment on is too hard to learn, don’t. Pretty simple, and I’m not going to be offended one way or another. The whole idea of “I’ll read you if you’ll read me” is a little weird, too. I’ll read you when I find you interesting and comment in the same way, and invite everyone else to treat me as such. Less stress and expectations from everyone. :)

I am, and will continue to blog about everything that catches my fancy, including books, fanfiction, university, cats, and life at http://renay.dreamwidth.org (my RSS feed is here).

Comments are closed on this entry, but you can feel free to drop me a line at ya.fabulous@gmail.com—and don’t be fooled! Just because this blog is closing doesn’t mean I won’t be being fabulous, YA included, over at my other journal. ;)

It’s been a slice! *salutes*

I have been MIA and there are cobwebs everywhere and does anyone even still read this place? I’ll admit, I haven’t been updating here because, well! Guys, I am super busy and also lazy! I KNOW, YOU ARE ALL SHOCKED. I’m glad I arranged the fainting couches nicely before I hit post!

Here’s the scoop: I joined The Organization of Transformative Works and became a wrangler for An Archive of Our Own and lost my fall and winter to an amazing project built by fans and for fans. I am gaining resume skills and also having a blast, and it worked out—$dayjob in retail during the holidays doesn’t give me much brain for reading. Seriously, I read 48 books this year.

I’ll just let that sink in.

This month, the AO3 became host to Yuletide, the rare-fandom fanfiction exchange. The latest Yuletide reveal has taken place and now there are tons of stories to read!

You are wondering, “Renay, why do I care? Really, I do not read fanfiction.” To you, I say, you care because some of these fandoms are book fandoms! And the fic is good! It’s more story about awesome books! I call this a win. Fannish love for everyone, even people who don’t read fanfic. ;) Here are some samples!

Fanfiction for works I have not read:

• The Demon’s Lexicon – Brennan
• Fables – Willingham
• Fingersmith – Waters
• Never Let Me Go – Ishiguro
• Nation – Pratchett
• Liar – Larbalestier
• Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell – Claire
• Her Fearful Symmetry – Niffenegger
• The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay – Chabon
• Anne of Green Gables – Montgomery
• The Barimaeus trilogy – Stroud

Fanfiction for works I have read:

• Neverwhere – Gaiman
• Larklight trilogy – Reeve
• The Hunger Games trilogy – Collins
• Howl series – Jones
• His Dark Materials – Pullman
• Hero – Moore
• Graceling – Cashore
• The Graveyard Book – Gaiman
• American Gods – Gaiman
• Babysitters Club – Martin
• The Book Thief – Zusak

I’ll just leave this here in hopes someone will be tempted by it and I will suck yet another book blogger into the dark, twisty paths of fannish life. Meanwhile, I’ll be over at my main journal most of the time. I think it’s highly likely that until I start reading again this blog is going to become the intersection of my bookish and fanfiction life which means I will just be commenting on things other people are posting.

Or in other words I will be boring. :D

I should probably count the fanfic I’ve been reading since tons of it often turns into me reading 50,000 word fics in one long stretch when I should be sleeping, but! BUT. I don’t really review fic, I squee over it so that’s right out AND ALSO most of it is Real Person Fiction with Adam Lambert and Sparkles (like this) and you know, I have a reputation to—oh wait nevermind, no I don’t I am totally a pariah! HELL YEAH ADAM/KRIS FOREVER. \o/

Meanwhile, I am not sure what’s wrong with me besides being fluctuating interests, various Life!Fail as well as attempts to go back to school and finish out my degree which is like trying to make a snowman in Miami during July (ADMISSIONS: FEEL FREE TO GET A GENITAL RASH AND BE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR DAYS). I imagine that I am filled with weird desires to read what everyone else is reading so I can talk about it with them, but if I am not interested, well! What am I supposed to do? I’ve acquired a bunch of books that are boring me! HILARIOUSLY TRUE STORY.

Also, Nerds Heart YA is an issue. Because I am going back to school this is going to be nigh impossible for me to host. I am very sad about this, but I thought I would put out feelers to see if anyone else would be interested in getting it together. It’s really not that much work—figuring out the books was the hardest part, matching books and readers so people get to read new books the second hardest, and making sure everyone read and posted on time the third. Last round we only had one issue, and it was disappointing but I expected at least one default, but it can be avoided with some EPIC WHIP CRACKING, I am sure. I am willing to walk people through things and be available via e-mail because by then I will have e-mail on my phone! And, you know, I don’t think that you have to be widely read to host this, because it is about finding new books and reading them. Because fuck guys, I am not widely read in YA. I just pretend to be, and also use big words.

So there’s that. Interested parties can e-mail me at ya.fabulous@gmail.com and if there’s more than one I am totally playing matchmaker. If there are zero, uh, well, Nerds Heart YA will be on hiatus until 2012 and we can host it amid shock and horror that I actually acquired a real degree. >.>

POSITIONS FILLED and the world rejoiced, etc, etc.

This, where points #1 – #4 are basically grudge wank. Are these people for real? This is why critics can’t have nice things; people who are just so put out by critics actually having something to say, and people listening, that they have to frame criticism as an attack on an author in an attempt to discredit their issues with a book. I am so sick of people saying, “Ugh, how dare they frame this as a review, it’s just a rant!”

As an aside: I am sick of seeing any and all criticism defined as a rant. Do these people realize they are using a derailing tactic, a sexist tactic? No? Check yourself, guys. Rants denote a loss of emotional control used by people attempting to derail and discredit an argument— a critique is not necessarily a rant, and applying that label unless the author provided it themselves: DING DING DING, congratulations on derailing a discussion! Your prize pack of FAIL has arrived!

Anyway, the last time I checked, review could mean a lot of different things when it came to discussing books—I didn’t realize only the “nice” people could claim the concept.

I am so tired of the YA Cult of Nice. HONESTLY SICK TO DEATH. The Rejectionist is bashing a book and the author? Women can write misogynistic tripe just as well as any man, because they were raised in a culture of it, and when someone points out, “hey, this seems a little problematic to me, let’s unpack why!” and someone else comes along and goes, “You know what, you’re just PICKING ON THE AUTHOR AND THE BOOK!” it’s maddening. How else do we have these discussions without using examples, of finding the thread and pulling it apart, of examining why one reader feels this way and others don’t? Or maybe critics should just shut up and sit down and never use any book as an example of anything problematic, lest they be accused of scapegoating.

I just feel like: the author knew what she was getting into when she decided to put her book out into the world; she doesn’t need defending. If she’s going to weep big fat tears over that review, if people reading that review actually think that is an attack on an author—! They’ve got to be joking, that was tame, and meanwhile people are accusing them of personal attacks and not being “professional” (which I find bogus as it is, it’s just yet another way people conflate “nice” and “mean”, where “mean” is “unprofessional”). Do people understand what an attack is? Honestly? Because the longer I criticize books and the more I read people attempting to discredit people like me, the more I simply thing that the YA world cannot handle criticism unless it is covered in bubble wrap.

This criticism of the YA Cult of Nice, brought to you by frustration and gallons upon gallons of utter contempt for how critics are treated in all corners of the book blogging community.

So to celebrate, I am going to post a review! I know, right! It’s like my blog forgot who I was. I had to reenter my password and everything and apparently wordpress has a new version out! Man, hiatus, you really cramped my style.

I will warn right now that this review will have spoilers for both Larklight and Starcross. VERY SORRY, my apologies, etc.

I am pretty incoherent about my disappointment with this book. You know when you follow a series and get invested and excited and you’re all aglow that when you read the book it will AMAZE and CHARM you? Imagine that feeling being drop kicked by the author! It is no fun, to be honest, and it’s even worse that I didn’t have a clue Reeve was going to turn off the buffer to his wild imagination and, you know, write a book that feels like it doesn’t belong with the previous books not even a little? I do not know what to say! Mothstorm did not live up to my expectations. Larklight was excellent (everyone go read it! NOW!), Starcross a little less shiny but still a fun romp, but Mothstorm!

DOT DOT DOT

It wasn’t that it upset me as a story, although I am bummed this is the final bit of canon for the series. It either bored me with really predictable clichés or had me going, “Really!?” and rereading passages to make sure I didn’t imagine things. The first book was about Art and Myrtle’s epic adventures IN SPACE and I wanted that to continue, but as soon as I began reading this book I realized: Oh SNAP, it’s turned into Mrs. Mumby’s Totally Excellent Adventure With Other Evil Beings From Beyond Our Universe! Reeve kicked steampunk to the curb and went out and out science fiction, and, well—that lacks a little internal consitency for me.

I did not sign up for this, and I resent, a little, the shift in focus from these two children protagonists having adventures, to the magical mother, and also would like to know what’s up with Jack and Myrtle and SUDDEN RECONCILIATION? Would someone like to explain. I was very confused, see: internal consistency!

The story opens on a pre-holiday note as the Mumby’s prepare for Christmas and their guests. The pudding goes rogue, the British military shows up, plebes and pirates one and all get pissed off, we get the first hints of how this book is basically going to be All Amelia Mumby, All The Time Except for Brief Periods of Which We Cannot Speak For They Are Blatant Spoilers, and Myrtle and Jack…break up?! When did they get back together, Reeve? I am disappointed in you! It seems a bit ridiculous! Then other events take place and I swear I came really close to not finishing the book. Just…ugh.

Now, to the plot: shenanigans at Uranus! Really, I was bored; I didn’t even feel like chuckling every time Myrtle was like, “Don’t call it that!”. Each new! amazing! thing! was introduced but then we were moving on, super fast, because really, in case you missed it, this book was about Amelia Mumby. At least there was an epic battle, and I’m not counting a scuffle in the dining room.

I dislike that Reeve introduced a new female character and then wasted her. I do not understand what all the world-building was for here since it was the last book. I am boggled. I also…don’t know how I feel about the meme business with Myrtle, and the new friends they make at the end of the book. Honestly? Ulla was horrified (rightly so!), but Reeve is going to…introduce a culture with totally opposite gender roles to our own and then convert them to ours? Oh, for fuck’s sake. What was the ever-loving point of that? They couldn’t have wanted the things they did for its own sake, they had to want to learn to clutch their pearls and knit? The revelation of their queen was just the icing on the cake of my utter despair!

….you know, if I was smarter I would have words about this, many smart words communicating just how problematic I found the gender roles in the book and the good old standby of the cat fight, but in convenient Shaper form, with the girls hemming and hawing and generally being invisible until a handy time where Reeve can make them inept to further the plot, and passing all the goals off to the boys, because BOYS are heroes, not girls. I have a lot of love for Larklight and Starcross, but I find Mothstorm a bit of a Tin Moon jump, which is totally equivalent to and just as ridiculous as the shark jump down here in Did We Really Need This Book land? I mean, seriously, it was like our solar system became a dude and it was time for THE LADIES to duke it out. Awesome!

Remember, girls: propriety can be set aside but it must always be picked up once the mortal peril is over.

At least I liked the last chapter, although I’m not sure about the convenience of it all. And Edward Cullen wasn’t it in. Otherwise, it’s a total thumbs down from this quarter and I will go read The Alchemists’ Revenge 1000 more times to cleanse my palate after I spent the second half of this book vomiting in my mouth a little a lot.

1. Becky’s Book Reviews
2. Books & other thoughts
3. Books Are King

Er, but it kind of hasn’t worked out that way. I haven’t touched a book, but instead have been combing delicious for fanfic I’ve been meaning to read. Here is what I’ve read so far:

• A Precise and Accurate History of Monday, Eleven Years Later. Seriously, I ship Aziraphale/Crowley so hard. (Good Omens)
• The Dionaea House (original fiction, or maybe like House of Leaves fanfic?)
• Switch, which is basically epic Kirk/McCoy that I’m not even sure I like yet, but it’s hard to find good Kirk/McCoy fic, anyway so I’ll take what I can get? Seriously, this is like two fantasy novels tied together, it’s so long. (Star Trek XI)
• Transfigurations! I totally love this story, I read it a long time ago and re-read it today, and love Draco. (Harry Potter)
• Written in the Stars I’m not sure how I feel about this one (which generally sums up all my feelings about fic that takes the totally ill-advised epilogue to Deathly Hallows and runs with it), but well! I kind of can’t resist father-bonding, fff. I have daddy issues. (Harry Potter)

Well. At least it’s only five in the afternoon, right? XD I could grab a book later…maybe.

Today we are taking a trip down the lane of my life I was trying to separate from this site because the last thing I wanted was someone who thinks I am an okay if sometimes sarcastic douchebag book critic to stumble across erotic fanfiction that I have written (oftentimes badly) and block me on Twitter, or strike me from their hearts, or perhaps judge me based on my creative writing and allow it to discredit my critiques (this is, of course, in order of importance). I have arrived at this point because I had a dinner, in public, with Debi and her family in August, where we discussed how Chris read my porn and it was great!

I ALMOST DIED ON THE SPOT, GUYS. I am not kidding. I was as red as the shirt I was wearing because what, I thought I had successfully hidden my fanfic!, if by hidden we mean “just don’t talk about it!” I cackled to myself all the way home when her husband hit me up before we left and said, “hey, we want those links!” (Okay, it also endeared him to my heart forever!)

I was like, guys, what is this, a stickup? GIVE ME ALL YOUR EMBARRASSMENT RIGHT NOW? Okay, here, take it! *dies one thousand horrified deaths from acute embarrassment*

That’s right! I write fanfiction. I am airing all my secrets (but really not since this was a pretty open secret)! I will no longer dance around the topic! I will come out and say it: I write fanfiction and sometimes dudes have sex. Right up top, so you will know if you want to continue reading this entry.

Here are some resources:

• Fanlore’s fanfiction entry
• Wikipedia’s fanfiction entry

I am a member of The Organization of Transformative Works. I have been a member of fan culture a long time. I moderate a newsletter and co-moderate a gift exchange. One time I wrote makeout fic between a boy and a cactus-like creature; there is follow up fanart (also in color!).

I write stories about other people’s characters for fun (not profit). In fact, when I imagine trying to profit from fanfiction I die of laughter at the thought. If Debi didn’t read this journal, this would be the point at which I would claim to be a talentless hack and take myself down a peg, but since she does and might see this post, I can’t because I fear her wrath, but just realize the chance is there. We’re all readers here; we have imaginations. I don’t think what I’m doing is much different than what book bloggers do, in a way—I am interacting with the text, with bonus makeouts. This post does a great job of summing up all the points I would like to share, but this:

Fanfic is a dialogue going on within a community, and people read each story in the context of other stories.

That’s very true. WOULD YOU LIKE A RECENT EXAMPLE? I am going to guess yes! Ira wrote a 38,000 word monster (which I love), These Unending Alchemies of Honour (FFXII, Gabranth/Vaan, PG-13), and then I wrote this and Sev wrote this and then I possibly caved to pressure and wrote some gratuitous sexy times which I refuse to link, because I’m serious, it was gratuitous.

I’m not saying it’s wonderful, “I should be a published author!” writing (in fact, most all of my fic definitely ISN’T, hahaha what a joke), but it’s fun and I love doing it for a lot of reasons. I feel strange talking about fandom here, because I don’t cross the streams very often this direction. I am pretty open about the book community over there, but not open about my hobbies over here. Possibly it is the amount of dudes making out and how I perceive the heterosexism over here. WHO KNOWS.

I mean, it’s not always the classiest place to hang out¹, especially if you’re not a fan of sexy times. It’s getting harder and harder for me to act like I’m not a fanfic writer over here, especially because of all the YA books I’m reading (and pining for fanfiction for, Graceling, The Knife of Never Letting Go, I’m looking at you!). I probably wouldn’t be book blogging without fandom, because reading Harry/Draco fanfic back in 2001 made me read the Harry Potter series which got me back into reading after I had fallen away.

Anyway, so in case in the future I meet people (Chris! Nymeth! Debi Round Two! Everyone Else When I Make It To BEA One Day!) I thought: I will just be upfront so these people know this about me and they can judge me and avoid me if they see the porn girl coming toward them on the convention floor. No awkward conversations necessary! No, really. I swear. I will not go cry in the bathroom after you’ve turned away from me and thankfully I will not know when you unsubscribe to my feed so I definitely won’t cry over that.

Definitely no crying here. >.>

To end this, I will share some things that other people wrote. Some are readable without the original source material, while some aren’t. I am probably revealing more in my recommendations that I have anywhere else. But…I am okay with that. I stuck to gen fic, because well…because. I have already put my kinks on display once in a previous paragraph. I believe I will skip it here.

• American Idol RPF – Fortunate Son (David Cook, David Archuleta)
• Star Trek XI – the fistbump is non-optional (even though I know how it ends, I CACKLE EVERY TIME)
• Larklight – The Alchemists Revenge (Larklight and Starcross are required reading for this, I believe!)
• Final Fantasy VII – A Study in BS (er…violence?)

And so ends the opening of Personal Anecdote Theater, starring me! Other than fandom, I am pretty boring, so there probably won’t be a second act! However, this was possibly epic enough for the next five forevers. Awesome \o/

Part I: Hey, so how about that FTC thing?
To be quite honest, internets, I’ve been considering it for awhile I have decided I don’t care. Really—don’t care! Whatever you say, FTC! Any organization who will let one of their represenatives muddle out into the thick of a new decision and ram his foot so far down his throat it basically becomes a reverse colonoscopy and then get annoyed with us for our confusion has pretty much lost my respect. I’m not making special arrangements, changing my format, changing how I link to authors or publisher websites, and my disclosures will likely be just as erratic as they’ve always been. I mean, people watched me get into an e-fight with an author over a review copy, if that doesn’t convince people I’m not scared to be honest, nothing will.

Also, my critiques are not commercial speech. Hahahaha, what a joke.

The fact I’m even dedicating more than one paragraph to this malarky pisses me off because of lack of forethought and a gross understanding of how blogging culture works for different types of media. It has only succeeded in spreading false information and stressing already stressed bloggers.

I really have nothing but contempt and don’t feel guilty at all. FTC, you have failed and you are banished from my heart.

Part II: Nerds Heart YA! 2010

I am doing this again because people keep making doe-eyes at me, and to be honest, I want to try to IMPROVE THE PROCESS, but first I thought I would have to set some limits. Scope, I discussed it last time: we need scope. The more I think about it the more I believe that the scope needs to be us. I’m not trying to be conceited, but we shouldn’t underestimate our power as book bloggers to take a book from obscurity and shove it into the limelight. Half the battle is letting people know it exists. To accomplish this, we of course need lots of different input from different blogger communities.

(Okay, whatever, I’m lying, I’m totally being conceited and am not ashamed.)

Obviously, 2009 is not yet over. It won’t be easy to tell what 2009 titles weren’t given their fair shake on the blogs until at least the end of February. As new releases pick up and titles from 2009 start to languish on reading lists, shunned for the new shiny 2010 books that everyone needs to have right now OMG, we’ll know better, but I thought: let’s make some lists! I have created a Google Doc for nominations that is public; if you would like editing privileges to add books, just leave a comment on this post (although you’ll need a google account to edit) and I’ll add your access!

Part III: Tales from the Lit-o-sphere

Snarky Titles Not Included wants your YA SF recs. I can never say no to a good rec list.

Common YA tropes, which is an interesting musing about the Romeo and Juilet effect on YA publishing. I’ll go one further and toss out love triangles, which have been instrumental in sending Twilight soaring through the bestseller lists, as well as The Hunger Games. Man, I really don’t like love triangles, I am a freak (and I still think Twilight should have been about Edward and Jacob’s doomed love. There’s how you could’ve subverted some genre, Meyer! Too bad (for me).

Lee Wind weighs in on the Lambda Literary Awards change. I’ve been waiting for his thoughts, actually, and they’re really interesting.

The Cybils nominations are only open for two more days. I’ve been watching the long lists take shape, and every time I check them the more books get added to my reading list. Damn you, Cybils! XD

Part IV: Around the Internet

I have signed up for NaNoWriMo for the first time. My page is here, and I will definitely not win, I’m just going to set expectations low right off the bat. I will be lucky to get 10,000 words, but I want to start on this manuscript that is totally not marketable at all right now because it lacks vampires, angels, fairies, and a heterosexual romance. It does have dorky astronomy stuff and possibly recreates a scene from Ghost (with Patrick Swayze), though. Harrr. I am writing a story about the myriad ways we destroy relationships and chances for relationships and how we can learn to rebuild—or not destroy at all.

Also, some boys make out a little. Sweet. \o/

KJ sent me the link to Why People Hate the Paperclip, which is an academic paper and hilarious. Guys, I love the internet.

The other night, the boy and I were hungry and I looked around the tubes for sandwich recipes. This is the most delicious sandwich in the history of the world., although I am sure some might disagree. Mmm, bacon. You know I’m not playing when I take time out to say, “LOOK AT THE FUCKING SANDWICH, GUYS!” Oh my gosh, I want it right now.

Earlier this year I read and reviewed Out of the Pocket, which I really enjoyed, since it didn’t propagate the ridiculous idea that being gay and an athlete means you have to be miserable and closeted. Also, guerilla dating, sdlkjlasjdd I laughed so hard (and I wonder if the author would mind if I totally borrowed that concept from him). I ended the review on a pretty sad note, but this post and the article it linked to made me happy, except, you know, sad, since our government is still pretty balls on this issue. Hahaha, why did I vote for Obama again?

This! Although I need to finish my education in the school of Holmes and Watson Are Totally In Love (because seriously, have you read these books? FFS, Doyle!).

I totally didn’t finish my review of The Ask and the Answer today. I have failed. :(

It seems I am going to rock the boat with my review, because I didn’t like this book much and everyone else I’ve seen has loved it to itsy bitsy pieces. The people who don’t are usually complaining that it doesn’t hold a candle to The Catcher in the Rye, it’s too porny, or it’s just boring. I disagree with all of these assessments except The Catcher in the Rye charge, but only because I read that book when I was 12 or something and it went completely over my head and I’ve never tried to pick it up again.

This is a good book. I’m not joking, internets! It’s really good, but I’m troubled by some of the parallels I see in it, between the characters, both alive and dead. Also, I never connected much to Adam’s story, whether because my struggles as a teen were just so different that I wasn’t able to really empathize or for some other reason, but it never happened. I felt sorry for him, but never felt the snap of “Yes, this.” like I have with other troubled characters. There was always a strange distance between me and the emotions of this story. Also, I’ll be honest: I don’t believe in ghosts, and because I could never decide whether the ghost was real or a product of Adam’s mental breakdown, I was just unsettled and couldn’t lay into the story. Apparently I can’t handle the ambiguity. It was too real to treat as a ghost story, and therefore for me, a fantasy, and yet I couldn’t shake the fact that it was all too real and therefore, ridiculous, because ghosts don’t exist so how is any of the possible! I demand science to explain this dead space phenomena! Sometimes, I wish I could turn the skeptic in my brain off.

Truth: Adolescence is a difficult time. Growing up, becoming an adult, dealing with changes in body and perspective and the amount of expectation is never easy to deal with, and One for Sorrow introduces us to Adam McCormick, who understands all too well the hardship of being a teenager, trapped between childhood and adulthood with so many paths to choose from. Adam’s future seems grim; plagued by troubled family he sees no joy in, a brother who hurls abuse, parents who fight constantly, and a lonely existence with few friends—where does he turn for brightness, the hope that he’ll come through okay?

Added to the stresses of life in the Rust Belt, the molestation and murder of Jamie Marks shocks the town and Adam even more, a boy Adam felt he might have been friends with. At the same time, an accident that alters the fabric of his family strikes, not unexpectedly, and Adam is thrust into a place he doesn’t understand or feel prepared for.

Soon after, he attaches himself to Gracie, who discovered Jamie’s body, as well as Jamie himself through an act that further alienates him from his family; I think not knowing it makes it have more impact, though I failed to get that impact. I was mostly confused. Jamie’s influence and skewed sort of friendship comfort Adam in the beginning, and instead of the void between child and adult, Adam finds himself between life and death, slipping further and further away from Gracie, his family, and truly, and feelings at all.

This story perfectly captures a place and a time and a family caught in the throes of an unforgiving, changing country. Adam’s father is constantly out of work, and his failures only exacerbate his problems already obvious to Adam and any onlooker. Adam’s mother is in no position to be an emotional support structure for either of her children—for her story is almost a mirror to Adam’s. Both deal with almost parasitic influences, both strange and almost unbelievable, and the book tells the story of how they lose their way and try to find their way out. As much as this is a coming-of-age story, it is also a story about how hardship can strike at any time, because life is unfair and unpredictable, not just being a teenager, and how easy it is to fail and fall, over and over. People can attempt to pull you out, but in the end there is only one person that can successfully do so.

We come to my issue with the book with Adam’s mother, Linda. I mentioned parasitic influences, and feel that although their stories mirror each other as they both struggle with a ghost, or something similar to one, that I was…not angry, but nervous about the fact that for Linda, her anchor was a woman, and for Adam, his was another boy. Jamie is not a healthy influence for Adam, as much as Adam sees he and Gracie’s discovery of him helping him to live after death when he was mostly invisible before. Linda suffers the same in Lucy, and in Lucy’s doting there isn’t a homoerotic charge like Jamie’s interactions with Adam, but… I really fail to have the right words that two relationships between people of the same gender were so strange and convoluted and vaguely uncomfortable for me, especially seeing as how they still felt this way at the end of the story, even given the characters we meet there. It’s a small quibble, and one I can’t explain very well. I have issue with female relationships being framed as automatically fucked up, and women being characterized as parasitic sluts, I suppose—and found the female friendship here pretty gruesome on more than just the level it’s supposed to be gruesome on. It pinged me as such a stereotypical out and I was immediately disappointed that Adam’s story was rich and emotional and Linda’s story ended with “she wants cock! EH OH EL.”

Boring. Predictable. The only redeeming feature was Linda herself, and the resolution to her personal story.

Regardless, this is a true story, a sad story, honest and gripping. Is it a ghost story or is the ghost a representation of something else, something inside Adam? I couldn’t decide, but maybe that’s the point. The writing is excellent, the sense of place immediate and almost tactile in the prose. The backdrop against suffering rural Ohio is a stark landscape where Barzak draws a starker picture yet of a family in turmoil, beset by their own failures and a world so unfair and unforgiving that Adam eventually runs away with Jamie to the end, giving up on his ties to the living who have so let him down, becoming more and more ghost-like. Adam’s choice is to whether to find a way through the middle, to choose life or death—to choose whether to accept life, and the terror and the unknown, just as Jamie must accept death, and the terror and the unknown.

One for Sorrow is bleak, but in the end its message is one of hope, through the good times and the bad, and how it will always be there, even if we fall prey to weakness, or loneliness, and perhaps especially, the failures of other people. It was an interesting read regardless of my issues with it; recommended if psychological stories are an interest.

1. things mean a lot